.. as my heart was engulfed in an unfamiliar state of uncomfortable emotion.. It melted, and a nail fused with what was once a cognac sniffer.

Later as I pulled it from the fire, it cooled too fast and shattered into many pieces.

Is their hope the pieces will stay together with careful accommodations?

Or does this represent the epitome “Love Hurts”

… or in other words, your getting played.. bro.

Two wrongs make a right: the reasoning that attempts to justify an allegedly wrongful act by stating that some other act is just as bad or worse.

Or in other words.. a girl goes on a date with a guy and asks him the entire date, “your sure your not dating anyone else? Why are you not dating anyone else? Your so sweet for taking me out!” when in reality…she is actually dating someone else.

The people who surround us are not only a source of partners or of information about our partners; they also are our chief competitors. As a result, the social network in which we find ourselves defines our prospects. It does so by defining whom we meet, by influencing our taste in what is deemed desirable in a partner, and…finally… by specifying how we are perceived by others and what competitive advantages and disadvantages we have. You don’t need to be the most beautiful or most wealthy person to get the most desirable partner; you just need to find what you like best about yourself and make that part shine.

Ok.. so wtf am I getting at now.

There are pros and cons to both fidelity and infidelity. From the viewpoint of reproduction, neither is inevitably an advantage or disadvantage. But I personally don’t really don’t care about reproduction and therefore any of my views and opinions about it are completely biased. This is also directly related to my genetic disorder and strong “Darwin Instinct” to not pass on my genetically compromised traits. Moving on… What is always a great disadvantage, in life, is making mistakes. Choosing an unsuitable partner from among those available is one mistake. Another is to misjudge a situation and be unfaithful when it would be better to be faithful—and to be faithful when it would be better to be unfaithful. Yet another is to be under or over zealous in attempting to prevent a partner from being unfaithful. The people who do best in life’s generation game are those who judge their situation correctly and then respond appropriately.

When groups of individuals, either all men or all women go out on their nightly rituals, there is a common goal among each individual. Let’s say these rituals have been going on for about a year or so, about a dozen of them are involved, but not everybody goes out every week. Typically, the night is centered on lots of drinking and talking, a meal and sometimes a club. Occasionally, the opposite sex moves in on the group compromised of one sex and try to prize someone away from the group. They expected each other from time to time to talk to, and perhaps even leave with, a person from the opposite sex. Even though mist of them had a partner at home; the group enjoys an unspoken brotherly or sisterly complicity.

Bottom line… this is but a survival technique. There are a host of biological, psychological, and social mechanisms for such a casual effect of widowhood in both men and women. Something about being connected to someone affects our bodies and mind. Such comes the term, “dying of a broken heart,” and people actually begin to take this metaphor literally, searching for, and ultimately finding, evidence that the risk of heart attack rises immediately after the “death” of a relationship. Amazingly, three explanations of…homogamy, confounding, and true casual effect…are not only to couples and the struggle to understand whether monogamy is healthy. The other relevant explanation is the phenomenon beyond health and even to the operation of social networks more generally. You have to understand that if someone you share a close connection with is a fan infidelities, you will also be directly the product of their actions. Remember, we are a species that outwardly mimics the actions and expressions of those we have direct contact with.

If you want monogamy though you have someone on the side, chances are the other party has someone on the side searching for the right monogamy for them. Is this cheating or is this a survival technique?

I give credits to this research to the amazing books I have been reading: Connected being one of them.

Forgetting how you lived is a choice. The despair when it isn’t choice slowly kills me from the inside out. I was born into tragedy, living in a world of analytic illness strategies. Enough supporting evidence will tell you I have never lived an “average” day in life.

I’m introverted, misunderstood, abrasive, and all by my conditional livelihood. My strength comes from solutions and the will to be positively symbolic so the human species has something good for once to outwardly imitate. Though, I do find it extremely irritating when it’s copied to a “T”… as examples present themselves, do yourself a favor, and make it into something that has to do with YOU. Your pissing in the wind if you think a conglomerate of mainstream tattoo work is anything symbolic to your life. Yeah.. I said it..

Here is my story, symbolically, and about 2ft long…

To be continued..

Clout and About. By Lulu del Rosario.

http://cloutandabout.com/2011/08/my-over-the-top-facial-experience-from-the-spa-at-the-hotel-healdsburg/

            We get many choices in life. What color we want our hair to be. The vehicle we drive ourselves in. Jobs that trickle individual’s money to get them to the places we want to be in life. The food we consume to fuel our lifestyle is of the greatest variety. A common preview to these choices involves the essence of luck and destiny. Our greatest privilege is we the choice of who we spend time with. If you refer back to my “Why You Should Love Your Job” spiel, you will see out of 24 hours in a day, we must really savor the foundation of how we structure the blocks of our daily lives. Americans believe that their choice of a partner or friends is really nobody else’s business. People select their social networks impulsively, spontaneously, or sometimes with much deliberation. Bottom line, it’s a PERSONAL decision. Genetics play a strong role too, but let’s keep this one to the superficial societal teachings of life.

The Hedonic Treadmill identifies humans as a species and our shortcomings when it comes to the bigger picture and achieving happiness. The direct parallel to relationships is consistent with the general tendency to see the major life decisions as individual choices. Auto-piloted, we are at the helm of our ship, exploring an entirely new course, no matter how choppy the seas are ahead; this new path means both exciting and disappointing events are lurking on the horizon. Eventually we discover that we are in treaded waters with universal navigation tools. We are more concerned if this is just our cup of tea or not.

Because we are so sure of our individual power to make decisions, we lose sight of the extraordinary degree to which our choice of a partner is determined by our surroundings and, in particular, by our social network. Take the primal instinct of homogamy. “People like being around others who are similar to them. Most people find it comforting to imagine that partners resemble each other because it gives them hope they, too, will someday be happy in a warm and living relationship with a kindred spirit. Given the structure of social networks, our tendency to be introduced to our partners, and our innate comfort with people we resemble, it is not surprising that we generally wind up meeting, having sex with, and marrying people like ourselves. No matter where people search, their network generally acts to bring similar people together. The fact that spouses are so often similar manifestly disproves the idea that people meet and choose their partners by choice.” (Fowler. PHD)

Ultimately our genes choose who we want to attempt monogamy with. Yes ATTEMPT… Because of the ever changing world around us and how it subconsciously makes our decisions for us. Ever wonder why your attempt at a monogamous relationship is constantly backfiring? Ever just stop and remember that you’re always changing as is the people and environments around you are simultaneously doing What happened one year ago is a sizeable genetic difference than where you moved forth from originally? How did you choose to build this foundation? Day by day? Or as the days change, you find intrinsic and extrinsic influences that send you a variety of signals in attempt to hone a primal instinct to succeed? Yeah that “hunch” is your genetics telling you something is UP. Don’t ignore it.

Where I am getting at with all this. Don’t play God. Don’t think you know how to pair people and dabble in matters that have no concern with you from the get go. Yes, it feels AMAZING to improve the quality of someone else’s life. Ultimately it will kill your metacognition and thus slowly it will kill you from the inside out.

Well Kaiser.. I am here to dethrone you.  From September 5th 2005 and on.. I have stacks of paperwork, doctor letters, emails, and everything imaginable to show the amount of disservice you have done.  I also have the paperwork to show that the moment I got a proper diagnosis and care from UCSF, after Kaiser affiliated doctors exhaused only treating my symptoms that would not improve.. YOU DENIED THE MONETARY COMPENSATION TO HELP MY CHRONIC ILLNESS.

Just this past week… You.. YES YOU AND YOUR EMPLOYEES managed to lack a simple task in getting me one medication essential to a chance at daily normalcy.

The problem:

I am taking control of bettering my CAPS disorder with a switch in medication.  This medication Ilaris has only been on the market in the USA for about 2 years. It cost $8000 per infusion and only last about 8 weeks.  Every individual I encounter in the Kaiser Health world appears to be nothing more than a ghost in a shell governed by the generic health guidelines that are suited for juvenile heath situations. Needless to say, when Ilaris came in, the pharmacy sent it back to the Manufacture without telling me, my doctor, or specialist that they did so. I was in a jeopardized health situation, with no medication and had to make a trip to the ER because of the onset symptoms I get from MWS and Fibromyalgia. Because of how rare this disorder is.. medication for CAPS in any form always takes 5 business days to arrive.  I missed work for my multiple jobs, which created a negative ripple effect in my place of work and to my co workers and employees.  After a week of hours spent on the phone daily, two ER trips, and a plethora of F bombs later.. I got my medication. FINALLY. But wait!!! Whats this? Oh yea… its in a powder form and has to be kept at a specific temperature  and then reconstituted with the right solute ..or it goes bad. It blows my mind that a medication that has a specific purpose to be infused into a patient with a serious heath condition can be so easily mishandled. Im ok now, finally got it infused last night at the ER.. but this is something that REALLY needs to be on Oprah by now. I’m due again for another infusion the first week in October, hopefully by then I can orchestrate my panel of doctors to compliment my health… instead of detriment it… again.

Please help spread the word and Advocate for people suffering from serious genetic disorders!!! Yes cancer and AIDS sucks too but at least we have rich movie stars and foundations now to help funding for such things. Its the individuals who have uncatalogued symptoms,  and have minimal resources, data, and research for their immediate ill struck persona that need the real help.

Did you ever bite the hand that feeds? I have done it once or twice…out of practice of course. The worst part is not the bite or the figurative language that is artistically painted in your brain; when one bites the hand that feeds… shit hits the fan. The power invested in this practice only leaves one to benefit from the experience. An individual only has one way to predict future outcomes out of such an experience and that is though having the power to shape the future. So try not to suck.. so bad.

Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength. My moment of clarity with this was dealt among myself and an individual who is damaged goods; for aren’t we all? The Emotional Contagion phenomenon is provided by ones inner evolutionary theorist. Unfortunately those who believe in God only live to serve him.. Or Jesus. I’ll be the first to admit, I am no expert of evolution or God. This stems from my own personal observations, views, and beliefs. If you want to get into a holy, evolutionary or societal battle, it’s not up for discussion.. Because most of what we know is probably wrong anyhow. We don’t write the books that govern us, we are just guided by small pockets if ignorance in our minds that unknown individuals Emotional Contagions are able to govern. Feeling like a sheep yet?

An individual’s stride is hard wired to follow a system of beliefs that have evolved over years. As a species we are biologically hardwired to mimic others outwardly, and in mimicking their outward displays, we come to adopt their inward states. Say “PRAISE JESUS!” for emotional expression of ones deity or throw your middle finger in the air if you just don’t care!! If a friend of yours is stoked she is going to smile and act uplifted, and in that act of smiling and uplifted emotional state the immediate company will come to feel very happy. In school and bedrooms, at work and in the ghetto, surfing the internet or writing a letter, all walks of life interact. Humans tend to synchronize facial expressions, vocalizations, and body postures unconsciously and rapidly. This is the result of molding into emotional states.

People are subconsciously influenced by life’s invisible ripple affect. Yes. AFFECT because it’s happening to you right now! Raising an eyebrow yet? Shaking your head? Eyes rolling? The Explicit Emotional Contagion, contrary to the automatic infection of feelings described above; there are times when others’ emotions are being manipulated by a person or a group in order to achieve something. This can be a result of intentional affective influence by a leader or team member. Suppose this person wants to convince the others in something, he may do so by sweeping them in his enthusiasm. In such a case, his positive emotions are an act with a purpose of “contaminating” the others’ feelings. A different kind of intentional mood contagion is by giving the group a reward, or treat, in order to alleviate their feelings. PUNCH AND PIE!!!

            “Given that emotions function to help humans adapt to social situations it makes sense that one person’s emotion would affect another’s. Just as herd animals would benefit from rapidly passing messages about risk and reward, emotional contagion seems to be adaptive for humans to function in groups. This system can enable a rapid communication of opportunity and risk, mediate a group interaction, and help humans attend to social rules and norms such as maintaining harmonious interaction with a powerful ally”. ⁽Melissa Bayne & Joshua Freedman)

Robert Levenson, Ph.D., researches human psychophysiology. Levenson uses longitudinal studies of married couples‘ physiological responses; He measures how empathy requires a calm and receptive emotional environment for the couple to be in physiological sync. When an emotional hijacking is taking place (anger or argument) empathy declines and the cognitions of the spouse are blocked.

The concept of amygdala can be described as the part of the brain mechanism that underlies empathy and allows for emotional regulation and creates the pathway for emotional contagions. What is the variable in your life in which you have allowed the emotional contagion to direct you?  Where do you wish to stand in your influence? I have always chosen to improve the quality of life for enough reasons that most of you have read about. The positive biological connectedness, I am re-creating in one person and from them the physiological state of the other is my essence to life. I can’t, to this day, understand destroying and un-creating what we all can see as “good.”

Psychological influences such as sociocultural conditioning, neurotic retroflection or defense against trauma can best be described as the “douchebag” or “douchette” syndrome. A douchebag, as an Urbandictionary definition is: a pretentious, sugar coated prick, but with emphasis on pretentious and sugar coated. When one sugar coats himself or the literary disambiguation they convey as their “speaking,” he or she should take a second to reflect on one’s over-inflated sense of self worth, compounded by a low level of intelligence. Your only purpose in life is to help higher society learn from your social retardations. So thank you, keep hating, and be a ripple in the emotional contagion for us all to feel and learn from.

]]> http://kmacinc.wordpress.com/2011/08/01/an-emotional-contagion-with-a-stinging-or-smarting-sensation/feed/ 0 kmacinc http://kmacinc.wordpress.com/2011/06/11/monologue/ http://kmacinc.wordpress.com/2011/06/11/monologue/#comments Sun, 12 Jun 2011 04:15:51 +0000 kmacinc https://kmacinc.wordpress.com/2011/06/11/monologue/ ]]> while watching the Ring.. I somehow felt a part I could relate to. Minor mods.. Though the epilogue to my life.

You can almost draw a line through this life.

On one side there’s this happy girl..

..who spends her time enjoying adrenaline sports and Country living with her fellas, having bonfires

.. everything sheltered, protected and comfortable.

Her face, there’s… light, there’s pride.

And then, one day, something happens.. and ..

she takes this hard corner

and the light… goes out

and then she ends up Ill struck..
all alone.

What happened to her?

… lts a conundrum.

So NOW… we are segued into the surface of my personal life. The Prolouge is done and now you get to hear why I am the way I am. Next: my day to day life. A follower on twitter suggested peppering that in.. your in for a TREAT.

If a child’s parents are married (connected) then they probably talk to each other, but if they get divorced (disconnected) they probably do not. Divorce means that communication often has to pass through the child. I can remember so many cruel words, they have scared me deeper and will last longer than any tattoo on my body. What remains remarkable is that even though the child is still deeply connected to both parents, his or her relationship with the parents’ changes as a consequence of the divorce.

I never once have made mention of my mother before. She is dead to me, through a social choice of my own. There becomes a point in one’s life, and even in the wild where the children never cross paths with their parents again. I have been poisoned, made sick, and have been done an incredible injustice through her social contracts and how it affected her life. Yet I have chosen to have the misery, pain, illness, and negativity stop with me. My family, friends, social contracts, and friends of friends will never feel what I have been bestowed by her. They will remain safe with life’s that are greatly improved through any feasible way I can come up with.

Changes that result from the loss of a connection between parents have little or nothing to do with the child. The child still has two parents, but his or her life is different depending on whether or not they are connected.

I am sick because my mother influenced that in my life. I do not wish to keep this influence transitive to my family or friends. It’s all going to stop. Take a moment to think of how your actions, body language, and family have influenced your ability to govern your social network. How you shape it could be deeply rooted back to your parents relationship and how transitively it shaped and governed your behavior and life decisions.

I am now choosing to write about my personal life more and more. This will include: drugs, sex, tattoos, decisions based on adrenaline factors, and lots and lots of funny pictures and memories with the best social network life has gifted me.

With every step away from an individual in a social network that we take, the number of ties to other humans, and the complexity of the branching, rise very, very fast. How did humans come together to accomplish what they could not do on their own? The key part of this story: altruism and goodness, both of which are essential for social networks to grow and endure. Together, as we begin to think about the idea that people are connected in vast social networks, we realize that social influence does not end with the people we know. If we affect our friends, and they affect their friends, then our actions can potentially affect people we have never met. Crazy right? It has been scientifically discovered that if your friend’s friend’s friend gained weight, you gained weight. It’s also discovered that if your friends’s friend’s friend stopped smoking, you stopped smoking. It’s concluded that if your friends’s friend’s friend became happy, you become happy. Yey!

As individuals study social-networks more deeply, they begin to think of them as a kind of human superorganism. They grow and evolve. All sorts of things flow and move within them. This superorganism has its own structure and function, and we become obsessed with understanding both. These connections have become explicably social to the point that today nearly everyone is familiar with social-network websites like Facebook and MySpace.

Seeing ourselves as a  part of a superorganism allows us to understand our actions, choices, and experiences in a new light. If we are affected by our embeddedness in social networks and influenced by others who are closely or distantly tied to us, we necessarily lose some power over our own decisions. Such a loss of control can provoke especially strong reactions when people discover that their neighbors or even strangers can influence behaviors and outcomes that have moral overtones and social repercussions. But the flip side of this realization is that people can transcend themselves and their own limitations. Its arguable our interconnection is not only a natural and necessary part of our lives, but also a force for good.

The biggest factor missing from this debate is the diverse experiences in life—from meeting our significant others, from caring for the terminally ill or living with a really shitty disease, or building small houses in poor villages—we believe that our connections to other people matter most. It’s what makes us uniquely human. To know who we are, we must understand how we are connected.

On an ending note, I put my life on blast because I am here to pay it forward. To set an example of unconditional altruism. I want my radness and experiences to influences the masses in a positive way. When you are raped of the essence that is your being, nothing else matters but creating a mode for such an injustice to never occur again.